BUCKET LIST BLUES
TO DO OR NOT TO DO, THAT IS THE QUESTION
Who makes bucket lists of things they want to do before they die? One obvious answer would be “older folks.” I fall in that category but to date I haven’t made a bucket list because I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the reality that I am an older folk! How did this happen? Why, it was only yesterday that I could stay up late doing all sorts of boisterous and fun night-time activities and get up the next day and with some coffee or a power drink, go onto a full day’s work!
Now, well, let’s just say that’s not the case anymore. I still like to stay up late but I’m doing milder things like reading, watching TV or sitting outside in the cool of the evening watching the stars and moon either alone or with a good friend and sharing a pleasant conversation.
Although I’ve never, to date anyway, made a Bucket List, I’ve begun to see its value. Even considering making a Bucket List has helped me to realize I am very much in Act Three of my life, the final act.
DEATH: A CONSTANT COMPANION
One of my favorite poets is Emily Dickinson. I have embodied a few lines of one of her poems, “Because I would not stop for death, he kindly stopped for me.” Death has always been a part of Life but as I’m aging, He sits on my shoulder, accompanying me everywhere I go. Death is now a constant companion. He likes jazz and the blues and guaranteed he’ll leave the room when I play opera or sacred choral music! But he always returns.
I used to think it odd that my mother as she aged was consumed with who had died and who was still living. These days, my Alabama cousin tells me she only gets a hard copy of her local newspaper to read the obituaries and see what friends have died. She’s lived most of her 80 plus years in the same town so she knows and is connected to many people and it is a reminder that she’ll be on that list one day. More of us Baby Boomers are dying, passing onto a new Act One somewhere wonderful, an idea that gives me great comfort.
But, I am beginning to think about making myself a Bucket List. I’m beginning to realize that I’m not going to live forever, a thought that if I’m honest, is difficult to comprehend. I’ve got several more books I want to write which requires an enormous amount of time “butt-sitting” in the chair, time that maybe I’d rather spend going on an African Safari or another visit to Egypt or a long visit with my relatives and friends scattered throughout the states and Europe.
A LIST MAKER
I’ve always been a list maker; lists help me to stay grounded and to remember what I said I would do. I’m not a slave to lists; I simply use them as a guide. Sometimes nothing on my list will happen and if that same thing keeps showing up over and over, I will take the time to sit quietly and ask myself, “Do I really want to do/go/be or whatever it is, anymore?” Likely not. I’ve been listing “sign up for a yoga class” for about twenty years!
In reviewing the idea of making a Bucket List, I don’t think I will. A book by the Dalai Lama, “Advice on dying: And Living a Better Life” has been calling to me and as I sat re-reading sections that I’d marked in the past, found that his advice about death, dying and making preparations for that event speak to me in a more profound way. I trust I will have many exciting adventures that some might consider Bucket List material; however, I am choosing to look at my Act Three in a different way, through a different lens, one that will help me to see and experience both the beauty and impermanence of this life.
“View things compounded from causes
To be like twinkling stars, figments seen with an eye disease.
The flickering light of a butter lamp, magical illusions,
Dew bubbles, dreams, lightning and clouds.”
……His Holiness the Dalai Lama